Tresviri Certitudinis Mortuae
Triumvirate of Dead Certainty
The Members of the Triumvirate
The Tresviri Certitudinis Mortuae — translated as the Triumvirate of Dead Certainty — is a council of Laxtentia’s most esteemed, if world-weary, authorities. Each member leads an Order in the kingdom and together they serve as a National Security Council of sorts under the reign of the High Regent of Ironic Dominion. This trio doesn’t wield their power for progress or ambition; they maintain Laxtentia’s fragile harmony of quiet disillusionment, a kingdom balanced on the edge of irony and perpetual doubt.
Vicarius Caprae (Vicar of Goatse)
Vicarius Caprae, known as the Bishop of Retrocausality and head of the Holy Order of Infinite Revisions, Vicarius Caprae is the ultimate editor of Laxtentian reality. Their title, Vicar of Goatse, is as solemn as it is ironic, a nod to their task of keeping the kingdom’s truths flexible and its memories as ephemeral as smoke. The Vicar wields an unmatched power over what “actually happened,” taking it upon themselves to prune memories, beliefs, and recorded history, rewriting facts to fit the kingdom’s ever-shifting perspective. To Vicarius Caprae, the past is little more than a provisional draft, something to be revised whenever the present grows weary of it.
Minister Spes Inanis (Minister of Hollow Hope)
Minister Spes Inanis, known as the Supreme Cynic of Optimism and head of The Ecclesia of the Hollow Truth, and the Order of Nihilistic Knights, crafts Laxtentia’s official visions of hope — only to make sure they are as hollow as they are dazzling. The Minister of Hollow Hope has mastered the art of creating aspirations designed to deflate under the slightest scrutiny. Each proclamation of progress or future prosperity is laced with an irony so fine it borders on the prophetic, keeping the kingdom just hopeful enough to move forward, yet skeptical enough to never expect anything lasting.
Dominus Ordinis Immaculatae (Lord of Immaculate Disorder)
As the Grand Sorcerer of Entropy and head of The Order of Subversive Glitchbots, Dominus Ordinis Immaculatae is the kingdom’s architect of carefully calibrated chaos. Under the title Lord of Immaculate Disorder, they manage the kingdom’s entropy with precision, ensuring that no system operates too smoothly and no institution grows too stable. By orchestrating minor malfunctions and well-timed disruptions, they create a state of persistent, low-grade dysfunction that ensures Laxtentia remains comfortably adrift, immune to both collapse and coherence.
Purpose and Mandate
Together, Vicarius Caprae, Minister Spes Inanis, and Dominus Ordinis Immaculatae form a triumvirate dedicated to preserving Laxtentia’s existential equilibrium. Rather than preside over a council of ambition and growth, they sit in dimly lit halls where irony reigns and grand strategies are designed to almost matter. Their goal is not to protect Laxtentia from external threats but to defend it from the dangers of clarity, purpose, and meaning. They ensure that the kingdom remains stable in its instability, perpetually disenchanted yet somehow enduring.
Core Strategies
- Doctrina Recursionis Futilitatis (Doctrine of Recursive Futility): A guiding principle that any endeavor or ambition will ultimately fold back into itself, creating cycles of tempered hope and contained disappointment. This ensures that every aspiration in Laxtentia remains as self-defeating as it is carefully contained.
- Edita Perpetuae Revisionis (Edicts of Perpetual Revision): Drafted by Vicarius Caprae, these edicts allow every truth, law, and memory to remain subject to continuous revision. Under this policy, nothing is so sacred that it cannot be corrected, amended, or erased entirely, reinforcing Laxtentia’s acceptance of impermanence.
- Magna Spes Distortio (The Great Hope Distortion): Managed by Minister Spes Inanis, this campaign releases aspirational messages and grand visions with an ironic twist, keeping the populace gently hopeful but deeply skeptical. It’s a strategy that keeps the spirit of Laxtentia afloat, even as each dream is revealed to be nothing more than a hollow illusion.
- Modulationis Entropiae (Modulation of Entropy): Overseen by Dominus Ordinis Immaculatae, this policy ensures that all systems, from bureaucracy to public infrastructure, operate with just enough dysfunction to maintain a low-grade sense of disorder. By keeping every process imperfect, they instill in Laxtentia a sense of comfortable impermanence.
The Ironic Dominion
The Tresviri Certitudinis Mortuae are not beloved, nor do they seek admiration. They exist as a necessary paradox within Laxtentia, a ruling triumvirate that holds power not for conquest or ambition, but to protect the kingdom from its own illusions. Their work is a solemn reminder that reality is not a gift but a draft, forever open to revision and gently mocking the very concept of permanence.
In the end, the Triumvirate offers Laxtentia not peace or purpose but a quiet, enduring ambivalence — a reassurance that in a world so prone to change, the only certainty is that nothing is ever certain.
